Peer Review for Hannah Gardner

Here is a peer review for someone who I don't think I have ever peer reviewed before.

• The name of the title and author for the project you reviewed (1 point)
  • Peer reviewed for Hannah Gardner.  "Untitled"
   
• A working hyperlink to the project you reviewed (1 point)
  • You can find it here on her blog post. 
  
  
• An explanation of the peer review activity you selected for the project you reviewed (1 point) 
  • I talked about the form of her project.  So the genre conventions that go with a video essay.
   
• An explanation of how you think you helped the author with your feedback (in other words, how did you help them make their work better?) (5 points)
  • I think the suggestions made the project better in the sense that it could help her with the overall tone she is using. She is very formal, and since it is a self reflection, i feel it would be better more informal.
  • I also talked about not lingering on clips she chooses, too long.
  
  
• An explanation of how you incorporated something from the suggested Student’s Guide readings (or any other course materials, if you’d prefer) into your feedback (5 points)
  • In class, we discussed that since the self reflection is personal and should reflect your true feelings, you can take the liberty to be slightly more informal with it.  We want the real dirt!
  
  
• One thing about their work that you admired or think you could learn from (5 points)
  • I admired the fact that she seemed to have everything very planned out, in terms of the content.  She new exactly what she wanted to say about her time and learning experience from the class.

Editorial Post 15b

Here is yet another section of my essay that I have revised.  Ve a mi papel.

ROUGH DRAFT

"This course, despite some frustrating moments where I wanted to smash my computer to smithereens and rip out my hair, actually helped me in the long run.  Although I did not necessarily feel that my writing ability increased or decreased, I saw my technological skills increase by being forced to work within these writing genres.  Blogs aside, I also know better what writing approaches work best for me, and how to structure my time for demanding projects, so that I work more efficiently.  So in hindsight, maybe it was meant to be that this was the only English 109H course that fit into my schedule."

FINAL DRAFT

"My friends talked about this class as if it would slowly kill me, so I am happy to say I survived with my mind still intact.  In fact, this course, despite some frustrating moments where I wanted to smash my computer to smithereens and rip out my hair, actually helped me in the long run.  Although I do not necessarily feel that my writing ability increased or decreased, I saw my technological skills improve by being forced to work within these writing genres.  I also know better what writing approaches work best for me, and how to structure my time for demanding projects, so that I work more efficiently. So, in hindsight, maybe it was meant to be that this was the only English 109H course that fit into my schedule."

1. How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?
   •  I decided to bring back he point of my friends telling me not to take the class, as it sort of brings the whole essay full circle.
   • I changed "increase" to "improve" as that more accurately describes the course my technology skills took. 
   • I also took out the part that says "blogs aside," it wasn't pertinent to the content in the conclusion.
   
   
2. How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?
   • Similar to the above, by adding the sentence about my friends, I believe that I have created a better conclusion and circled from the intro to the conclusion.   I believe that is is a form of a college essay. 
   • In terms of the form of the paragraph not too much changed. 
   • Side note: All the paragraphs are indented, it just didn't happen when I put it onto Bogger.
     

Editorial Report 15a

Here is a comparison of part of my rough draft and part of my refined draft.

ROUGH DRAFT

"Once the interviews were concluded it was time for the production phase.  There was an immense amount of trial and error involved at first.  Cutting videos the way I wanted to was difficult.  My interviews were both at least an hour long, so I had to pare the interviews down to exactly what I wanted in the video essay, while still making them transition well from one clip to the next.  I am someone who wants to perfect projects, and this was a little difficult for me because often times the video would not splice the way I wanted it to, and I had to toy around with many other effects to compensate.  The major test of the project, and frankly my sanity, came when my rough draft of my video failed to download from iMovie.  I am certain that over the course three days I spent at least eight hours in an attempt to upload that video.  I was eventually told by the IT department that there must be a corrupt video clip within the movie causing the issue, and that I would have to endure a lengthy systematic process in order to identify the what was wrong. I felt hopeless.  I had no time go through that process, as I still had more work to do on the project itself.  How could I complete the project adequately and still have time to figure out my downloading issues?   After spilling my fruitless technology efforts to Professor Bottai,  I was given a short time extension and was able to present my project to him in person to still earn credit for the project I created.  I could not have been more thankful or relived.  However, despite these roadblocks, I made small progressions along the way, such as learning the art of voiceover.  I became pretty excited about my newfound knowledge of that and quickly phoned my mom to let her know how proud I was with myself."

REVISED DRAFT

"There was an immense amount of trial and error involved at first.  Cutting videos the way I wanted to was difficult.  My interviews were both at least an hour long, so I had to pare the interviews down to exactly what I wanted in the video essay, while still making them transition well from one clip to the next.  I am someone who wants to perfect projects, and this was a little difficult for me because often times the video would not splice the way I wanted it to, and I had to toy around with many other effects to compensate.  The major test of the project, and frankly my sanity, came when my rough draft of my video failed to download from iMovie.  I am certain that over the course three days I spent at least eight hours in an attempt to upload that video.  I was eventually told by the IT department that there must be a corrupt video clip within the movie causing the issue, and that I would have to endure a lengthy systematic process in order to identify what was wrong. I felt hopeless.  I had no time go through that process, as I still had more work to do on the project itself.  I did not know how I would be able to complete the project adequately and still have time to figure out my downloading issues.   After spilling my fruitless technology efforts to Professor Bottai, I was given a short time extension and was able to present my project to him in person to still earn credit for what I created.  I could not have been more thankful or relived.  However, despite these technology roadblocks, I made small progressions along the way, such as learning the art of voiceover.  After figuring out how to record my voice over ongoing video, I became pretty excited about my newfound knowledge and quickly phoned my mom to let her know how proud I was with myself.  I also gained basic knowledge of iMovie and how to assemble and edit audio and video to create a well put together video essay that is engaging. This could become useful in the future for other presentations in college or perhaps in my career."

1. How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?
   •  There was one sentence that I originally situated as a rhetorical question; however, I decided to change this, since it sounded a little stronger to use it as a declarative sentence.
   • At the end, I added a little more of what I learned from the project rather than just voiceover.  It wraps up the paragraph better and offers a better conclusion to my time working on that particular project.
   
   
2. How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?
   •  It's hard to identify just from the paragraphs above, but in the final draft I don't inlcude the same first sentence.  That because in this draft I cut the paragraph differently. Before the paragraph was huge and had too many ideas in one.  I broke it up in order for it to be more reader friendly to the eye. 

Open Post to Peer Reviewers

Hey all!  Included in the following is my rough draft of the final project.  I'd love any constructive feedback that you would have to give! :)

HERE IS THE ROUGH DRAFT

• Key information about your particular project that you would like anyone who peer reviews your draft to know.
  • I am aware of the lack of citations.  However, i am discussing things such as my personal growth and writing process throughout the course, so there isn't really any formal documents to cite.  I think I will be citing the project 1 rubric and squeezing in a blog post citation.
  • There is not a works cited page yet, so don't get your panties in a wad over that yet.
   
• Major issues or weaknesses in the “Rough Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those weaknesses).
  • I am concerned that I might not be as concise as I could be.  However at the same time, I am trying to stay at around 4 pages.
  • Some thoughts still seem a little jumbled, so I might rearrange them.  
  • I might be able to expand on certain ideas and situations more.
   
• Major virtues or strengths in the “Rough Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those strengths).
  • Aside from the lack of citations at the moment, I think I stick to the form pretty well.
  • I have a killer heading. ;)
  • I think I'm informal enough to make it sound reflective, without breaking the rules too much for the overall tone.

Peer Review 14

Below I will elaborate on my peer review.

• The name of the title and author for the project you reviewed (1 point)
  • Jianna LoCricchio "Opening Paragraph" (of her reflection video essay)
   
• A working hyperlink to the project you reviewed (1 point)
  • Here is the link to the blog post with the opening paragraph draft.
   
• An explanation of the peer review activity you selected for the project you reviewed (1 point) 
  • I decided to edit the content of her piece.  With this, I evaluate the actual words she has created and how well they convey her message. 
   
• An explanation of how you think you helped the author with your feedback (in other words, how did you help them make their work better?) (5 points)
  • I mostly gave her suggestions on how to better clarify certain portions.  For example, she mentions how "she had to learn things the hard way," but she didn't hint at any of the struggles she encountered and might write about.
  • She should also specify what certain"skills" she meant.  It leaves the reader a little confused and foggy.
   
• An explanation of how you incorporated something from the suggested Student’s Guide readings (or any other course materials, if you’d prefer) into your feedback (5 points)
  • Specificity, as we have talked about in class is key to keeping readers engages.  Without it readers can get confused and not want to continue reading.  
  • I also mentioned how she should make sure the end of her introduction flows well into the next paragraph.  We've learned in class that without these, the projects can sound rather choppy and disorganized.
   
• One thing about their work that you admired or think you could learn from (5 points)
  • I admired how she conveyed her feelings while keeping a formal tone.
  • However,  her lack of specificity makes me realize that I might have to elaborate a little more in my own opening paragraph.

Production Report 14b

Here is an additional section of my essay.  I decided to do the conclusion as well, since I am still tinkering with the three body paragraphs.

"This course, despite some frustrating moments where I wanted to smash my computer to smithereens and rip out my hair, actually helped me in the long run.  Although I did not necessarily feel that my writing ability increased or decreased, I saw my technological skills increase by being forced to work within these writing genres.  Blogs aside, I also know better what writing approaches work best for me, and how to structure my time for demanding projects, so that I work more efficiently.  So in hindsight, maybe it was meant to be that this was the only English 109H course that fit into my schedule."

1. How did you decide to use form to present your content in the raw material you’ve shared here? How did the conventions of your chosen genre influence your choices?
   • In terms of conventions I use complete sentences and somewhat formal language.  However, in order to adapt it to more of a reflection, I have stretched the formal language part some.  I have also restated some of the points in my opening paragraph in order to try to recap certain points and wrap up the essay.
   •  Well, it's in paragraph form, so I think I'm heading in the right direction.
   
   
2. How did the production of this raw material go? What kinds of any hiccups, challenges, successes, creative epiphanies, etc. occurred during the process?
   • No real hiccups here.
   • I'm worried it's too informal.  I'm not sure where I'm allowed to draw the line here.  

Production Report 14a

Here is a portion of my rough cut, specifically my introduction.

"For my freshman year of college at the University of Arizona, I chose to enroll in English 109H.  I was advised by my friends in my dorm that when choosing courses, that I should try my hardest to not enroll in Sean Bottai’s section, as the time commitment was “ridiculous” compared to the credit I would be earning.  Well, it turns out that this was only class that fit my schedule, so I was strapped into the class.  However, despite frustrating moments, I felt that I specifically learned a lot about technology, as well as my own approach to writing and time management throughout this specific course."

1. How did you decide to use form to present your content in the raw material you’ve shared here? How did the conventions of your chosen genre influence your choices?
   • Since I am writing an essay, I decided to write in a more formal structure.  However, I wanted to be able to insert my own personality and voice into the project itself, especially the introduction as seen here.
   • As for content, I wanted this to be a little more about why I chose the course, so then I can segway into talking about what I have learned through the semester about my writing process and technology skills.
    
2. How did the production of this raw material go? What kinds of any hiccups, challenges, successes, creative epiphanies, etc. occurred during the process?
   •  The production of this particular raw material was not too difficult.  The hardest thing will be citing myself; however, I think I will just be pulling from blog posts for that.  I've tried very hard to keep myself down to talking only about 2 specific subjects, so that I can be more detailed.